Every once in a while, something happens to me and it shakes my confidence; I find myself asking: ‘is there a target on my head’?

I see the overlap in patterns of what abusive men (in particular) say to women and girls. The same phrases, methods of control and manipulation, and behaviors seem to be repeated, and I wonder if there is a handbook out there somewhere because it all gets to be so repetitive.

As far as me feeling like I am walking around with a target on my head: the truth is I kind of do: childhood sexual abuse victims are 2-3 times more likely to experience sexual assault as adults compared to those without an abuse history (Follette et al., 2007). There are many factors that have been identified that lead to revictimization including recency of trauma, multiple traumas, or membership in certain groups can cause an individual to be at greater risk for revictimization (Classen 2005). In a review of the research, Classen and colleagues found that “The occurrence of childhood sexual abuse and its severity are the best documented and researched predictors of sexual revictimization”.

Sometimes the above information makes me mad or sad. I think about how hard it is, already, to survive sexual abuse the first time- and then you want to tell me that I’m more likely to be abused or assaulted again? I think about how it’s unfair that we as survivors are placed in a position where we have to be conscious of this possibility. It is discouraging, and sometimes it can add to feelings of hopelessness or despair.

Other times, I am able to step back and recognize that there is another side to this information. We, as survivors, can also pick up on other survivors’ behaviors. We sometimes notice things other people don’t: like someone wearing clothing that is inappropriate for the weather or temperature, an exaggerated startle reflex, bruises, scars, and even issues with eye contact can be indicators of abuse. We can use this information to help others.

Recognizing the possibility that those around you have experienced sexual violence helps in making environments safe for survivors. We can recognize that certain things will be upsetting to survivors and check in about what they might need. We can refrain from retraumatizing survivors by recognizing when content might bring back memories or deliver content in a way that considers that someone consuming that content may be upset by it. We as friends of survivors can check in with the survivor: what do they need? Not all survivors need the same things when confronted with their abuse history: some need space, others need to move, some survivors welcome physical touch and others would hate that. If we recognize that someone is a survivor, we can check in about these things before, during, and after upsetting events and show up for survivors in ways that they tell us are helpful to them.

Violence survivors have behaviors and dispositions that abusers can, and do, pick up on. Survivors of violence also experience a number of trauma responses that are overtly noticeable. Abusers use this information for different purposes: to target, manipulate, or harass survivors. While I recognize the truth that this is not my fault when it happens, sometimes it shakes my confidence, and I do find myself asking: “Am I doing something to cause this”? It’s different to know something than it is to feel that within yourself, and sometimes I struggle with the latter part.

I remember when I first moved to Madison, I had to practice looking up when I walked. Yes: practice, consciously… like daily… sometimes multiple times a day. My general disposition was to walk with my head and eyes looking down. I had to consciously work on trying to look forward and up. I would make a game out of it and see how long I could keep my eyes up before looking down again. When I am fearful or anxious, today- I still look down or break eye contact with the person I’m talking with or look down when I walk. Usually, when I become aware of it, I can resume eye contact or look up. I am in my eleventh year since the abuse last happened and I still struggle with this.

This isn’t the only behavior that a survivor of sexual violence may exhibit nor is it enough to say that all people who struggle with eye contact are survivors. For example, we know that individuals with autism struggle with eye contact, and not all individuals with autism have been sexually abused or assaulted. I use eye contact as a way of personalizing what I mean about behaviors being visible and noticeable to others. Lack of eye contact can also be a sign of low self-esteem. Shame and guilt often result from sexual abuse and can contribute to this behavior.

I’ve been talking with my therapist about this recently: what happens if I am assaulted again? What am I supposed to do? Who do I tell? What do I hope my response is? What can I realistically expect of myself? These are not comfortable conversations to have and sometimes I don’t like the answers to these questions but they are important. Ignoring them won’t help me if something happens. My therapist reminds me that I likely cannot change my initial response because it’s autonomic. Rather, it’s important that I know what I want to do once I’m out of that initial response time. One truth that keeps coming up as I have these conversations is that things look different now. I have a support system. I have people in my life who I can turn to if something happens. I have access to medical care. I have tools and resources to cope that I didn’t have when I was younger.

While it’s difficult to face the reality that survivors of sexual abuse and violence are at higher risk for revictimization, I don’t think we should shy away from these conversations. I think we have a responsibility to ask: what can we do to support survivors, after an assault that can reduce their risk of revictimization? What can we do to offer resources to potential perpetrators of sexual violence before they assault someone?

References:

Classen, C. C., Palesh, O. G., & Aggarwal, R. (2005). Sexual Revictimization: A Review of the Empirical Literature. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 6(2), 103–129. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838005275087

Follette, V. M., & Ruzek, J. I. (2007). Sexual Revictimization. In Cognitive-behavioral therapies for trauma. essay, Guilford.